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A White House Xmas Carol

by Mary L. Sfasciotti, Esq.

‘Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the White House,
Each computer was humming and so was its mouse.
All the rooms were ablaze with lights high and low;
That shimmered through windows, twinkling the snow.

While President Bush was busy, working the phones,
Waking up Congressmen asleep in their homes.
Angrily berating a groggy Senator Frist,
He shouted into the phone, "Bill, I'm really p-------d!"

"I earmarked 20 trillion for more border patrol,
But outside there's a fat man, all jolly and droll,
Who crossed the border with reindeer and sleigh,
No visa, no nothing, and he plans to stay."

Sputtered Frist, "Mr. President, the borders are sealed;
Shoulder to shoulder, we have a human shield;
Nobody can come in; nobody can go out;
The borders are closed, beyond any doubt."

Disgusted, the President called Speaker Hastert
"Dennis," he asked "is the House on alert?
"I see eight reindeer and a ramshackle sleigh,
And they crossed the border on this very day."

"I earmarked 50 trillion to close the Mexican border,
Why hasn't Congress obeyed my order?"
Huffed the Speaker, "How it happened, I cannot say,
But, I'll be right over without delay."

"We need DeLay," insisted the Prez, "and lots of action,
To take care of the problem to my satisfaction."
Hastert replied,"then what you need is someone at FEMA
Who knows about delay, remember Katrina?

Said President Bush, "I'll get an order to expel and deport,
This funny old coot, from a military court. "
But. ruled the Joint Chiefs, they never had the right
To expel Santa Claus on Christmas Night.

Summoned to appear before the Immigration Court,
Santa showed up with a military escort.
Said Judge Giambastiani, "This is an entry and a trespass,
That left sleigh and hoof tracks on the White House grass!"

Judge Katsovalis yawned, "well, Jenny, this isn't such a case.
These infractions are ordinary and quite commonplace."
Piped Judge Fujimoto, "but why does this happen every year?
By someone called Santa Claus and his funny reindeer?"

"He soars high in the air, beyond motion detectors, "
Blurted Judge Brahos, "And so he escapes the border inspectors."
Judge Vinikoor added, "He wiggles down a chimney or two,"
After snagging telephone lines with his motley crew."

"If I recall," mused Judge Zerbe, "was he not the one sent to Iraq?"
Then how in the devil did he find his way back?"
Said Judge Cuevas,"No Santa Claus in the Middle East,
That's why he was expelled by the Iraqi police."

His activities were suspect, according to Prosecutor Fitzgerald,
Who claimed that his investigations were severely imperiled.
Jurors, shocked to see Santa cuffed on the White House lawn,
Said their zest for indictment was completely gone.

Suddenly, before the court, the Vice President emerged,
"This man deserves a work visa," he forcefully urged.
"I've lost Scooter Libby, so I need a new aide."
And that's how Santa's deportation was delayed.

They gave Santa a visa and a social security number,
All this occurred while the world was in slumber.
He got a driver's license and picture ID,
And proclaimed that he'd found the land of the free.

His last words were heard as he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all--Good Night!"

About The Author

Mary L. Sfasciotti, Esq. can be reached at 79 West Monroe, Suite 1215, Chicago, IL 60603. Phone: 312 726-3278. Fax: 312 726-1325.

The opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the opinion of ILW.COM.